Love, Well Being and Relationship

What is Love? (1 Corinthians 13)

1. Love suffers long – long suffering, patient
2. Love is kind.
3. Love does not envy, jealous or boastful.
4. Love is not arrogant or rude.
5. Love does not insist on its own way.
6. Love is not irritable or resentful.
7. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.
8. Love bears all things, believes, hopes and endures all things.
9. Love never ends, Love is everlasting forever.
   Vs 13 says the greatest of faith, hope and love is LOVE.

What is Well-being?

• Well-being can be defined as a good or satisfactory condition of existence, a
  state characterized by health, happiness and prosperity.
• Well-being is a positive outcome that is meaningful for people.
• Well-being is a state of being happy, healthy or successful.
• Well-being is characterized by positivity, therefore: what can you say as
  regards your total well-being involving love and relationship? Are you happy
  about your state i.e. present condition as a single person?
  Question: What does it mean to be single?
  It means unique, whole, separate, one of you in the whole world; no two of you.

What is Relationship?
Relationship can be defined as the way in which 2 people are connected or the state
of being connected.
 Ways we talk to each other.
 Ways we behave towards each other.
 Ways we deal with each other.

• It could also be defined as a romantic or sexual friendship between two
  people.
  Putting these 3 together, we want to marry the 3. Love, well-being and relationship
  which will ultimately lead to a permanent thing called marriage.
  For your being to be well, you need to be happy. Therefore, hanging out with
  anybody that will ultar your state of happiness should not be accepted.
  Signs to look out for that can mar your happiness in a relationship*

1. A man or woman that is proud i.e. pride or arrogance.
   2 Perfectionism spirit – if I leave my shoe here, don’t move it.
2. Critical spirit e.g. see how big you are, you are too clumsy.
3. Murmuring and backbiting.
4. Spirit of condemnation.
5. Independent nature– “I like to be by myself please.”
6. Comparing you to a friend’s wife or fiancée or mother.
7. Revengeful spirit.
8. Unforgiving spirit.
9. Nagging.
10. Spirit of rivalry or jealousy – Husband and wife in competition.

So, when you want to marry, look out for:

1. Genuine love i.e. Agape not Eros (physical, sexual, canal) or
   Philia(emotional).
2. Compatibility – Do you agree? Not romance, don’t mistake lust or feelings
   for true love Amos 3:3; Do you complement each other.
3. Educational level – so that you have same values on children’s education.
   etc.
4. Money – don’t waste chance on this, as it can grow.
5. Beauty – Same as money, look inside and not outside.
6. Family background – don’t discriminate if born again.
7. Tribe – No difference in Christ but know the tradition of your spouse and be
   comfortable with it.
8. Age – Not a barrier as long as you are both adults but generational gaps have
   consequences, just be aware.
9. Respect – Does he respect you? Or treat you as trash and you still make
   excuses for him.
10. Communication.
11. Watch out for ulterior motives – does he ask you to borrow him money? Is
    she demanding? Or giving?
12. Spend time in courtship to ask questions and know him/her, investigate your
    intended, no harm.
13. Marry someone you can respect or submit to.
14. Don’t marry a drunkard or smoker.
15. Does he/she lie.
16. Do you catch him watching pornography? And you make excuses that since
    he cannot have sex with you?
17. Does he get angry all the time?
18. Does he threaten to beat you or give you small slaps or taps on your cheek or
    butt or shoulder?
19. Is he irresponsible? Even to his family.
20. Does he fear, reverence or pray to God?
21. What is his view to life?

Don’t look out for perishables

• Fine.
• Bloke.
• Stepper.
• Tall.
• Cute.
• Power dresser.
• Handsome.

 You need to know yourself before accepting to marry someone. Does your
temperament and his work together? Are you both hot tempered?
 Be truthful to yourself.
How do I know my partner?

1. Seek God.
2. Look, do not move around with closed eyes. Watch and pray.
3. Wait on God in prayer and fasting – don’t jump to conclusion.
4. Listen.

How to receive God’s choice

1. Inner witness or still small voice (1kings 9:12- 13- Revised Standard
   Version).
2. Audible voice (1 Samuel 3:1–4, 11–14).
3. Word of knowledge (Psalms 119:105).
4. Dreams (Matthew 1:20).
5. Vision or Revelation (Acts 10:1–6).
6. Godly counsels (Proverbs 12:15).
7. Prophecy – but must not contradict scriptures. Be aware of false prophets.
   (Luke 1:70).
   What Women Want In a Man
   A. Faithfulness – to them and committed to them forever.
   B. Leadership – one who knows where he is going and would not shipwreck
   the family.
   C. Respect – Doesn’t talk down on you and commands your respect.
   D. Family man – one who is homely , not hanging out with the boys, makes
   out time for her and her children.
   E. Provider – At least little gifts e.g. meat pie, perfume, jewelry etc.

F. Communication – one you can share with; one to praise, pamper and cherish
you.
G. Sense of humor.
H. Romance – nice words and soft words.
I. Godly man.
10 Things Men Want in a Woman

1. He wants sexual fulfilment (Bed must be undefiled before marriage).
2. He wants a recreational playmate (e.g. watching soccer together).
3. He wants a beautiful wife.
4. He wants a committed homemaker.
5. He wants admiration (from you).
6. He wants a woman of moral virtue (integrity- Yes is Yes).
7. He wants someone with a sense of humor.
8. He wants intelligence not a dumb blond.
9. He wants someone he can totally trust.
10. He wants someone who is absolutely honest.
    What Mr Right is Looking For
    I. Motivation, respect, humility.
    II. Service, kindness, hospitality. One who can run the house when they are out.
    III. Tolerance, submission, godliness (meek and gentle; attitude great asset).
    IV. Competence and lack of pretense.

V. Revealing clothes and an indecent lifestyle will not attract the right type of
man — no godly man wants such woman.

Warning Signs During Courtship

1. Fear and loss of peace of mind.
2. Lack of love and affection.
3. When lust is in control; anytime he sees you, he wants to bed you.
4. If you cannot freely express your thoughts without fear of quarrel, run.
5. Never marry out of pity.
6. When your partner becomes indifferent or spiritually cold, avoiding fellowship
   and church.
7. When there is a give and take in the relationship — only you giving, calling,
   visiting.
8. When you are always quarrelling, disagreeing, provoking each other.

Possible Obstacles During Courtship

1. Parental objections should not be ignored or rationalized but prayerfully
   discuss with them to resolve their fears e.g. racial, tribe, age, cultural
   discrimination or even denomination. Never marry without parental consent,
   be patient till they agree.
2. Distance- Send text message, pictures, gifts, telephone calls.
3. Medical conditions e.g. terminal illness, cancer or diseases; HIV.
4. Past relationships — Discuss with a marriage counsellor or with your pastor
   or seek Godly counsel (Sis Mayo).

Written By: Yetunde Oriolowo